Lupercus

Since our Lupercus ritual was cancelled due to illness, we all were supposed to work at our altars and meditate on the meaning of the ritual. Since the only other time I'd ever been part of a Lupercus ritual was last year with the coven, I e-mailed Lady Incendia to ask her for insight into what I was supposed to be doing.

She advised me to honor the newborn Lupercus, and remember that one of his biggest messages is freedom, so I should meditate on that.

So I did up my own circle. I called quarters for North, East, South and West. For North, I called in the energies of Earth, and of the lares and family. For East, I called on the energies of Air, and of Apollo and new Light. For South, I called on the energies of Fire, and of Vesta. For West, I called upon the energies of Water, and of Neptune and Underworld Knowledge.

Since Lupercus is the child of the Union of Umbrea and Dis, I thought that tapping into the Underworld Knowledge was appropriate.

I lit a yellow candle for Lupercus. As I lit the candle, I tried to envision the Wolf-God coming through the flame of the candle, lighting the way through the darkness. I wanted to meditate on freedom, and the coming of light. I asked the spirits to guide me.

I remembered the meditation that we did last year in Coven. During the meditation, in our meditative state, we were left with a pelt that would allow us to transform into the wolf at any time. I brought that back into my mind, and put on the pelt, transforming into the wolf I was last year.

I found myself in the woods. A female wolf came up to me and brushed up against me. It was as if she was asking me to run with her. We ran through the forst. We lept over revines, raced through streams. We ran for a long time through the moon-lit night.

We ran all night long, next to each other, her guiding me through the forest. As dawn started to break, we ended up in a field. I felt the urge to howl and did so. I was suddenly surrounded by wolves who howled back in answer to my call.

The female wolf I'd been running came up to me and bit me lightly at the neck. This is what I heard in my head as she leaned close:

You are free to run where you wish. But should you need us, just call and your family will be there. You walk the path at your own pace. It is your own path. But others have tred the path before you, and can point out hazards and obstacles, or provide you with information to overcome these yourself. Anytime you need to do so, you may run these paths. You are welcome. Explore as you wish.

The wolves retreated at this point, back into the forest. I curled up in the field and felt safe and welcome. I could fly if I wanted, or stay here. Whichever I truly wanted to do. I was not obligated to run. Just experience it in my own time and at my own pace. My path is my choice. I am protected, but can still stumble and fall.

I felt elated and loved. I felt lighter, like a weight had been lifted. I am not folish when I say words into an empty room if I truly believe them. I am strong, resilient, and am able to handle much more than I give myself credit for.

I contemplated this while lying in the field. That I am loved and need to let myself love others. That there's power within me that I need to reclaim, as I've denied it and hid it for too long in an effort to protect myself from being hurt.

The Lupercus candle started to pop a bit, which brought me out of my meditative state. The light was still burning steady, and filled the entire room. As I looked around, I felt a presence curl up behind me and rest its back against mine, just like my cats do in bed. I felt warm and safe.