Anyone can hear the dragon roar...

I had started this out to be a little bit about the coven motto, which was another homework assignment. Anyone can hear the dragon roar. Only the chosen will learn to hear the dragon whisper.

But then I got to thinking... what has the Dragon been trying to whisper to me of late? What are the secret bits of knowledge and insight that I'm missing due to the overwhelming cacophony of the world around me? I need to make some quiet time to be with my thoughts, and my Dragon, and truly hear.



I've been thinking about recent events. Going home, seeing Manhattan, going down to Ground Zero, where I'd gone many times before. We'd go shopping, grab a bite to eat, or just check out the views. The Towers were the way you knew you were looking at Manhattan. While going over the GWB this weekend, I had to really think about what I was looking at, rather than just knowing that NYC is over there, and Jersey's over there, and the Bronx is behind me. From my grandmother's apartment in the Bronx, you could see the GWB at night, sparkling in the distance, and the glitter of the Towers and the rest of Manhattan behind it.

I've never known Manhattan without them. Sure, the Empire State Building is fun to visit, and it absolutely has the pulse of the city. But they were special. They were unique. They were a symbol of what we could do if we put our minds to it. At least, they were for me. They were still pretty new when I was born, so they didn't have the "antiquity" of the Empire State Building. Then again, the Towers were never "belittled" in my mind. Hell, there's no movie with an ape holding a blond climbing up either of them.

I'd always heard my parents talk about knowing where they were when Kennedy was shot. I always equated that to where I was when the Challenger exploded. That was such a pivitol moment in my life. I wanted to be an astronaut, and a teacher from my school was one of the "alternates" if something happened to Christa. We were watching the shuttle launch live on TV. When it exploded, we were in such shock. I remember going to the bathroom in my school and crying. I remember writing pages and pages about it in my diary. I remember thinking that it had to be all over, because they'd never try to send another shuttle into space and possibly let it explode. I asked God why He had let that happen. She had children all over the country who were her "students", waiting for their first lesson. We all grew to love her, and then she exploded over the Atlantic. Why. It was so unfair.

And God was silent.

That little bit of 12 year old terror came back to me as we listened to the news reports of a fire at the Trade Center. That a prop plane had veered off course and struck the building. Then another one. Then the Pentagon. Then the Pennsylvania field. The ground wasn't just ripped out from under me, but the entire universe. I knew people who worked downtown. My aunts both worked downtown at the time, and I wasn't sure if Elaine had started a job at the Trade Centers like she'd mentioned. I've got friends who still live in NY/NJ who work down there. And we couldn't get through to anyone, and no one could call out. All I could do was sit up with my roommate and watch. Her brother was a firefighter. My cousin worked in the ER out on Long Island and got called into the city. They were both there taking care of people.

And we wept. We wept for the people who died. We wept for the people who were hurt. We wept for the people who were late to work and lost friends and co-workers. We wept for the families of the people in the building. We wept for ourselves, because who knows who could be next. It might be Disneyworld. It might be the White House. It could be anything.

It was in the following weeks that I could understand how people talk about "innocence lost" when Kennedy was shot. That's exactly the way to explain how I felt. My city. Where I'd walked a million times. It was in pieces floating in the breeze into Jersey. I couldn't stand it.

I sat down and I cried. And I asked the God and Goddess why. Why do they hate us? Why did they do this? Why. It was so unfair.

And They were silent.

But it was a silence that was filled with noise. Does that even make sense? It was a silence that could fill the void that was left in my heart. It was a silence that wrapped itself around me to protect me from all the stimuli of CNN and ABCNews and all the other sources. In that silence, you could hear the voices of those who died. In that silence, you could feel them reaching out to their loved ones one last time. In that silence, you could taste the bitterness of lives cut too short, but not without purpose.

They listened to me whine about how unfair everything was, then showed me a Nation united in a common cause. They showed me the true New Yorkers, who came back to their city with more resiliance than anyone might believe. They showed me people banding together to help strangers. They showed me communities rallying to send aid and support to people they've never met. They showed me a world who stood up and said "No, we will not allow this again."

It was beautiful.

Too bad it didn't last. But in those moments, I felt renewed. I felt like They cared about what happened to us. That we weren't just amoebas who managed to congeal into monkeys and learn to walk upright in the middle of an experimental crap shoot. We are Their children, and They love us.

The world will never be perfect - there'd be no lessons to learn if it were. And if we all just learned to look past our differences and see that spark of Divine energy that is the same in each of us, then maybe we wouldn't have such devistating events.

It's sad that it takes a moment of such horror to shock you into silence.

Strega Donna

I've spent the last few days up in NY visiting the family. It was nice to get away for a while and get up to the north, where there's real trees (even if they don't have leaves - they're still not palm trees!) and there's mountains and winding roads and family and roots.

During the time I was home, I really got to talk with both my parents in ways that I didn't often get to when I was living at home. When I was living there, I took them for granted. They'd always be there. Now that I don't see them as often as I'd like, it's more of a special treat to see them.

Dad took me into Manhatten and showed me around. He suffered through the tourist hell that is currently the Empire State Building to show me the sights. He took me to Ground Zero, and told me the story of how he offered to drive his bus into the city to pick up people if they wanted him to. He took me to Greenwich Village, which is now nothing but coffee houses and tattoo/piercing parlours, and told me how he used to cruise through Washington Square Park and that he dated a nice Italian girl who lived just over there.

Mom taught me how to make Grandma's Turnips and Dumplings. She made the special for me, since no one else eats them but her and I. She went over some pictures with me of people in our family, and caught me up on all the family history that I've missed in the past few years. She took me on a tour of Spring Valley to show me all the improvements, or at least, new developments, that have been occuring.

I spent time with my sister, Andrea, whom I used to just cat-fight with when we were younger. We were such vastly different people - I was the book worm, she was the jock. I was friends with the "strange crowd" and she hung out with the football players. But now that we're both older, we've got a lot more in common than we thought. It was fun to go to the mall with her and hang out. It was most excellent to drive around, mocking her boyfriend, letting her colour my hair. And it was really neat to go to Psychic Donna down in Nyack with her.

Donna was interesting. She's an older lady with piercings and dreads. The tips of her brown dreads were dyed red. She seemed really cool and told us up front that she doesn't pull punches. She's a bitch and she knows it, and she'll tell you what you need to hear, not what you want to hear.

I went first (Ann was nervous). She told me that I spend too much time at work. She said that we need to start looking at unique places for new people. And that I need to make more time for myself. I don't do that enough, and I need to start. It's like a battery that's never given enough time to charge, but still has to produce the same amount of energy. She told me that staying with Doug will be my decision, but that he doesn't put out as much as I do, or as much as I really need. He gives in drips and drabs, and it almost doesn't make up for all the crappy things he does when he does one or two really good things. He's moving at a snail's pace and that's just not my energy flow.

She made a point to tell me that I did not incarnate in this lifetime to be his mother. He has to make his own decisions. I need to be more hands-off. She said that he's older, but he's got several lifetimes to catch up to me. That in the beginning, being able to speak with someone about spirituality was a good thing, but I need more. He needs to go for the job opportunity he was recently offered, as he's playing at his current gig. Doing the other job, even if it's for a few weeks, will help build his self-esteem and also put some pocket change in his wallet. Which would be a nice change of pace.

She said that she saw a gingerbread-looking house for me. 2 bedrooms, even maybe a picket fence, up a little bit on a bit of a hill (to avoid flooding!). The soil’s not great for growing things (too sandy or rocky) but that I could put out flower boxes. She saw the cats running through the house. It had an attic space that’s been redone. It’s got dormers and was maybe a home office. Sounded to me like an excellent magick room. I should start looking in April for this new place.

I asked her about spiritual matters. Of late, I've been thinking that I'm just spinning my wheels, because the coven seems to gather in drips and drabs. It's really rare that we're all in the same place at the same time. At the outset, I question the commitment of some of the members to actually do what they are oathbound to do. Donna said that I haven't wasted my time - no learning is a waste. That this year's really been about putting a name to what I believe. Now I've just got to get into the DOING rather than the READING. I know what I need to do, I've just got to do it. She also mentioned that there's someone with a red book who's trying to get enough information to publish their own book. And I might want to get out of Dodge before the sheets hit the fan on that one. Lack of committment could be a precursor to the meltdown.

In general, I'm going in the right direction. I just need to focus more on myself and less on others. I don't need to make everyone happy, and I'm not everyone's mother. I just have to look out for me.

Then she told my sister she was a good-hearted schmuck and needs to work on some self-confidence issues. And that she has babies in her future!!! *hehehe*

She asked me what my spiritual path was, and I told her I was studying with a Strega coven. Things changed then, as she's a Strega. So she figured she could help a sister out and said that I really need to either kick the boy to the curb or just let him do his own thing and come to his own senses.

Good is more powerful than evil...

Good is more powerful than evil, but its magick is more difficult to learn. - Don Draconus

I've been going over some old homework assignments from coven recently, and I've felt this need to revist some of them. There are some that I didn't give (in my opinion) enough thought to. There are others that I've grown since I last wrote on them, and perhaps my ideas have changed.

The quote above was one of our assignments. We were to write a bit about what we think the quote means. It's funny, because, while it's a personal interpretation, there's a "right" and a "wrong" answer. And I hate open-ended "write your own opinion" things that have a right and wrong type of answer. I vaguely recall having my answer critiqued, and then Amaranthea patting me on the head and telling me that it was a nice try.

So let's take another crack at this one.

In order to answer this properly, you need to have working definitions of "good" magick, and "evil" magick. I'd consider "good" magick to be those works done for benevalent intents. That would include healings, banishings (to an extent), works to help improve the environment, works to spur on creativity and dedication, works on yourself, etc. Good magick benefits someone with as little "fall out" as possible. You think through what you're doing, and do your best to harm no one, not even yourself, in the process. It's works for progress or betterment, but not with total disregard to others.

I'd consider "evil" magick to be those works done without any thought to how they will affect others. Works that are done in *SPITE* of what the outcome will be to anyone but the person performing the magick. Binding spells (that are not done to bind someone from hurting themselves or others), destructive magick, magick to break up a relationship, works to coerce someone to do something against their will (typically). Evil magick benefits the crafter with little thought to what harm it might bring to others, including the caster, just as long as the wanted effect takes place.

So, with our definitions firmly in place, it's sort of an easy jump to see why good magick would be more difficult to learn. You have to take in a lot of different variables when you do acts of good magick. You have to see where your ripples will form, and what sort of results they will have when they touch land. You have to see your magick through to the end before it happens, to figure out what results casting it will have to those around you. Even if you don't intent to affect them with your working, they might still catch some fall-out, so you must be careful. You must be focused in your task. Mis-wording your spell will alter it in ways you did not forsee.

I also think it takes more of a trained mind to do "good works". For all the reasons enumerated above, as well as for the parts of yourself that you tap into when you perform the magick. For "evil" magick, I feel that you're tapping more into primal, gutteral forces. Those root forces that we've had since the caveman days. Ug wants woman. Ug smacks woman in head. Ug takes woman. Without thinking about the fact that the club to the head will damage the woman, or maybe she has another family already with which she's perfectly content. Now, if Ug tried to woo the woman away from her family using his caveman wiles and the fact that his cave has central air and heat, that might be a different story. She left because she wanted to - not because she was forced to at club-point.

And I think it's that infant mentality that you're using when you do evil acts. It's the "mine mine mine" whine of a 5 year old. Instant gratification, I want it now and I don't care what you have to do without to get it for me. It's selfish. And it's easier to generate energy when it's a selfish act. It's completely for your benefit, so of course you'll be focused and intent on the goal. Especially when you don't have to think of the repurcussions of your actions. Who cares if the woman's husband misses her - Ug needs woman.

And it's the training, and the forethought, and the building of the spell that really make the work powerful. While there are destructive and constructive forces in nature, the destructive forces aren't evil. They serve a purpose. You must burn a bit of the forest to cause the seeds in the acorn to erupt from their housings and take to the soil to make new trees. You must destroy sick cells in the body to allow healthy cells to flurish.

Anyone can light a fire. It takes a skilled expert to light a controlled fire, monitor the burn, and put it out when it's done it's work. Anyone can do magick. To do good magick, and to do it well, takes training, forethought, and effort.