Elements - At Work and Play

fire - always been fascinated by this, but fearful, too. I was always the one to tend the fire at camp and at home. I am in awe of people who can dance. I am too clumsy and unsure of myself to really let myself over to that sort of freedom. In my heart of hearts, I see myself twirling around the bonfire, skirts flairing. In reality, I'm sitting beside the fire, tending it, so others have a fire to dance around.

air - in ways this totally describes me, but in others, I'm so totally not a typical air. I'm creative and have a way with words. I love english, and music, and reading. I love to write stories and poems. Growing up I wanted to be either an astronaut or a famous singer. I wanted to be in outer space, among the stars, floating weightlessly through the atmosphere. I loved hiking so that we could get that view, that gorgeous view, from the top of the mountain across the land. But I hated the hiking part. I can see the words in my head of just about anything, but I can't pull up the image. I guess I've sort of taken this for granted, as it's so much a part of who I am. It's more abstracts to me. My job is all abstract. There's nothing realy tangible here - just words on a screen. We don't look at the pictures that accompany the text chat. We're reading all day, looking at numbers, comparing data.

earth - always had a bumpy relationship with earth. My gardens tend to do well if I almost forget that they're there. If I try to tend them a lot, they go all wilty on me. I don't have any mental retention for the way plants or trees look, but I know their properties. I also had a bad experience with a friend called the Garden Gnome. I was either too flighty for him, or he was too restricting for me. I'd love to be that earthy witch with the garden of herbs, herbs drying in the windows, and lots of land. But you know, I don't find it relaxing to garden. It's work for me, because it's a bit of a fight. I'd rather be inside with a good book, or out swimming and frolicking in the ocean.

water - I love a good rain. I used to go puddle jumping after the rain. It was very freeing. I've been obsessed with swimming since I could get out to the pool. I'd be the first one in there, and the last one out. Of late I've been scuba diving. I always wanted to be a mermaid when I was little (but not one of those Ariel, get the guy on ditzy good looks rather than being a good person type of mermaids). Mom would have to drag my pruned ass out of the pool. Doing the scuba diving really made me appreciate the other elements - Air for breathing, fire for warmth, and earth for stability. It's really taught me a lot.

other stuff - I'm always the leader. I'm in charge at work, monitoring a 24/7 - 365 department. I've been in charge for 4+ years now, and have expanded my department from just me, to 17 people. Even growing up I was in charge. I'm the oldest and was responsible for everyone. I'm the one who worked for my dad in his restaurant. I'm the one who he gets the maddest at (not speaking to me for almost 6 months around when I turned 16 was definately not fun). I guess he thinks that I have a lot of potential, and he feels that I might be wasting it. I was always the first aider. I led the hikes. I led the girl scout troups. I sat up with my sister when she was afraid of being away from home for the first time and got hysterical because she wanted to go home.

Yet the emotions scare me. I don't handle extremes in emotions well. I keep them shoved down deep inside. You can't really lead if you fly off the handle, or burst into tears at a moment's notice. You've got to remain cool under pressure and deal with the situation. Instead of breaking down in the middle of the woods after a nasty accident with a 12 yr old and her mis-directed trustfall (onto my face rather than into the arms of her waiting friends), I put a compress on my face and hiked with the rest of them back to camp, making sure everyone was okay, had their lunch, and was tick free before heading to the nurse's station to be told I needed stitches.